The baleful end of a season
Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.
Depression is humiliating.
If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too.
Depression is humiliating.
No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.
Well, would you?— WWF UK (@wwf_uk)August 18, 2014
It’s obvious we have to reduce our emissions and polluting of the planet, reduce our waste of energy & resources and ffs PLANT MORE TREES. But the IPCC climate models (and ridiculous flaws in their report) make me want better science before we try radical plans like carbon capture. And large swathes of the globe are burning more fossil fuels than they did before and we seem powerless to stop them (or morally on dodgy ground considering our own industrial revolution).
I’m glad to say my own country, Scotland, is a world leader in investment and installation of renewable energy - wind, wave, tidal, hydro etc (although that is at odds with the zeal with which we suck as much fossil fuels out of the North Sea and Atlantic as possible). But I guess we invest some of that profit back. It’s something I suppose.
I still intuitively feel that ultimately our fate will be decided by the ouput of our Sun, given the climate flux that has always been a part of the life of the earth - so many times the climate would NOT have supported humanity, it may go that way again in spite of our activities.
Future for humanity could be either nailing fusion and creation of resources directly by manipulating that energy - clean and efficient, pollution free - or journeying to the stars, developing dyson spheres and terraforming other planets.
All we, as individuals can do, is live as ecologically as possible and hope for the best.
Faces of the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, 2014
The Durango-95 purred away real horrorshow ó a nice, warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiwuts. Soon it was trees and dark, my brothers, with real country dark. We fillied around for a while with other travelers of the night, playing hogs of the road.
Then we headed west, what we were after now was the old surprise visit, that was a real kick and good for laughs and lashing of the ultra-violent.